"Christmastime" by Marti
Friday, June 18, 2010 at 6:00AM Here's Marti:
Quincey was born on December 29. I still had my Christmas tree up in our living room - and the house was still decorated. In the years before his birth, I was always so excited to get the tree decorated - I did it Thanksgiving weekend and kept it up until after the New Year. I noticed the past few years that I just was not in the spirit of Christmas - I neglected decorating until mid-December, then would be itching to remove all the decorations by Christmas night. I finally tied it all together this past Christmas (yes, I'm a little slow on the up-take sometimes). The year of his birth and subsequent death, I had to un-decorate while dealing with the pain of his loss. My Christmas Tree and the entire season had become a horrible reminder to me of how much I missed him. Hopefully, now that I am more aware of the situation, I will be able to find the joy again.
;)
The journaling reads: (Christmastime)...used to be my favorite holiday. It was a day I looked forward to all year long. I mean, I lived for the joy and excitement and wonder of it. then, the joy of the season just left me. I hadn't thought of "why" until this past Christmas - it was you. You arrived a few days after Christmas...then you left just a few short days later. I had to tear down the tree amid the tears and the pain of losing you that year. Now every time I put up the tree, it is with a heavy heart, and the minute the gifts are unwrapped, I am anxious to tear it down again. The reminder of that Christmas is just too much for me to face. Every time I think of Christmas, I think of you, and the gifts I will never be able to give you, and the carols we will never sing together, and the cookies we'll never share...and the joy that has left me when you departed this earth. Maybe next year I'll be able to focus on the positives - that you were here at all, and that you arrived during the same time we celebrate Jesus' birth. Maybe I can be happy and joyful next year. Maybe I'll cry happy tears when I see the tree...maybe.
Please share a layout you've done about a holiday (any holiday) without your loved one. We'd love to know more...heck, sharing might even help some of us with our own approaches to the holidays. ;) Post a link to your layout in the comments of the original challenge post before the next challenge goes up on July 1, okay? Thanks!!
Reader Comments (5)
Marti, how tender a time that is for you. . .for me. After my mother died unexpectedly, I didn't decorate for Christmas for nearly 15 years: no tree, no wreath, nothing. It had been her favorite holiday and always such a joyous time for our family. Finally, about two years ago, I realized that I needed to honor her memory by continuing to celebrate Christmas--that she would be very sad to know I no longer did. So, I went a bit overboard and ended up with two wreaths and four trees--maybe I was making up for lost time. I hope you will find joy again in the season as a way of honoring your own Christmas angel. Blessings to you.
Oh, Deb. What a beautiful story! It truly made me cry. What a beautiful way to honor your mother this year. For what would have been Quincey's first Christmas, I purchased an angel ornament (I did a layout about it for an earlier challenge - you can find it in my gallery to the right) and I always put that ornament on the tree myself, and in a prominent spot so I can see it.
Sniff...you both are making me teary. ;) Thank you both for sharing your stories!! I find that I tend to approach things like you mentioned, Debbie. I ask myself what my dad would want and let that lead me. Doesn't always make it any easier, though. :) Hugs to you both!
Yes, he was a blessing from God even though he didn't stay long, God has his reasons for taking him back home. You will see him one day and make up all those memories you didn't have. I love you.
I just found this blog and oh how very touching your layout is, it brought tears to my eyes.
I would really love to play along but I really don't think I am ready yet.
I just lost my mom April 27th 2010 to Cancer but maybe this blog will help me work through some of my grief. Thanks!!!!!!